I'm thankful for Alice today.
I literally just saw her 30 minutes ago. I knew as I was driving to meet her for coffee that she would be the subject of my thankfulness post today.
I met Alice almost a decade ago at a photo shootout hosted by a new studio. I almost didn't take the gig. To give you an idea of how long ago this was, this is how it all happened: I was still in school to become a makeup artist. I had done some alternative modeling and so I was building my portfolio with connections I had made during that time (I still have that completed portfolio somewhere and it is really bad). I got contacted by a photographer I had never met before. He told me there would be a few designers and a wardrobe stylist there, several photographers and a dozen or so models, I would get a ton of completed images back to use however I wanted. Would I be willing to work for free? "No," I said adamantly, "I need to be paid. I will not pack up my makeup case and get on the bus and do all this work for anything less than $60!" I think this is really funny now but he did indeed agree to pay me 60 whole dollars for an entire day's worth of work. It turned out to be immensely valuable to me for an entirely different reason than money.
When I walked in, a beautiful tall blonde woman with the best bangs I've ever seen, came up to me and said, "Hi I'm the wardrobe stylist. My name is Alice, like 'Alice in Wonderland.'" I was immediately drawn to her. She had such a positive energy and was so passionate about what she did. I don't know what she saw in me because I'm sure my makeup artistry skills back then were pretty bad, but out of all the people I've met in my industry who promised to call me or keep in touch, Alice kept her word and eventually contacted me again. We worked together several times on various projects. Here is one from the day Alice introduced me to my favorite local photographer:
(Alice in 2009 with makeup by me. Photo by Brandon Werth)
Alice was getting new headshots one day for her styling business and had asked me to do her makeup. We met at her condo and as I was admiring her decorating, she came out of her bedroom wearing a cute little dress. She pulled it up a little and put an injection into her leg. It was then that she told me she had Multiple Sclerosis (MS).
I didn't know what MS was. I assumed it must not be a big deal because Alice had so much energy and was so motivated. Later I learned that a few months prior to meeting her, Alice woke up one morning and could not feel her legs. This lack of sensation lasted for weeks and cost her a job where she had had many successes. Instead of allowing it to bring her down, she dragged herself out of bed by her hands, did her hair and makeup, and got dressed. It was that moment, she said, that she looked in the mirror and felt beautiful. And because she felt beautiful, she said, she didn't feel sick. She decided to start a business called I've Got Your Style, helping other women to feel confident and like their best selves.
(Alice and me backstage at an event in Minneapolis circa 2010)
Alice got busier. I started seeing her or her work on the cover of a magazine here or there, or on TV. Just when my life was falling apart, I got a call from Alice- someone who certainly at that point had no obligation to get in touch with me. She had been traveling all over the place, working with important people and I'm sure there were better makeup artists she could have thought to contact. We did a private makeup and styling lesson for a wealthy woman and her friends. Her husband had hired us to help his wife feel beautiful and have some time with her friends after having their newborn baby. It was bittersweet for me- I was inside of a huge, gorgeous home with a happy family and a husband who was thoughtfully caring for his wife, while I myself had just lost nearly everything and everyone that mattered to me. As long as I was busy, I wasn't allowing myself to think about how I felt. But when Alice and I packed up to leave and got into her car, I realized that my cell phone had been shut off. That collided with the reality that life wasn't what it had been just a few weeks prior.
Alice called the phone company and paid my bill. She told me that I needed to know this was not the end, things would get better, and that I just had to knock on every door I could think of- something good will eventually happen if you just knock on every door and see everything as a potential opportunity, she said. Then she opened her wallet and gave me all the cash she had on-hand. It was not enough money to solve all my problems but it was not a small amount either. I didn't want to take it but she told me that she knew if the roles were reversed I would do the same for her. At the time I don't know if I would have- I was a selfish person, I never felt I had enough, and I was so worried all the time that I didn't allow myself much opportunity to be thankful for what I did have or try to help others. Taking her money I felt guilt and shame, but also relief. I never forgot what she did for me and in turn, for my boys. Sometimes I would think about wanting to pay her back but didn't have the means. I wondered if she, along with so many others who helped me, felt like I was using or taking advantage of them.
A couple of weeks ago I was waiting to get on an elevator and there she was. She was walking with a cane. Our eyes lit up, I hugged her and she hugged me. We caught up with each other and made plans to have coffee in the future. As we talked I was reminded of how hopeful and positive she's always been. She is fundraising online for a specialized dietary treatment in the hopes she can walk again unassisted and continue to heal and be healthy.
On my way to meet her today, I realized I finally had the money to give back to her. She didn't want to take it but I was so thankful to finally be in a place where I could. I told her if she didn't want to take it as repayment, to think of it as my contribution to her fundraiser. The reason people hesitate to ask for help sometimes- at least I know this was the case for me- is because it makes you feel judged. Being able to pay back someone who helped me (and never made me feel like a loser or a failure during a time when I felt so helpless) was a blessing to me as well as I hope it was a blessing for her. It reminded me of so many other people who came alongside me during the hardest time in my life. I can never fully repay people for what they've done for me.
A few minutes after I left the coffee shop I got a text from Alice. She didn't even keep all the money to herself. After she opened the envelope I gave her, she shared some of the money with a man holding a sign on the street corner.
Today I am thankful for friendship. I am thankful for people who remain hopeful and insist upon getting joy out of life no matter what the circumstances. I'm thankful for my dignity being restored and for being able to give back to someone who was kind to me. One day I hope I can do this for everyone who saw me hurting and reached out to help.
You can view Alice's fundraiser here: https://www.gofundme.com/bzyxrevc
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